Have you ever felt like there’s a whole cast of characters living in your head? One moment, you’re the confident leader at work; the next, you’re second-guessing every decision as your inner critic takes over or you engage totally different personalities at work and in personal life that even never meet? These subpersonalities—a mix of traits shaped by your upbringing, life experiences, and the pressures of society. They’re handy for adapting to life’s challenges, but here’s the catch: they’re not the real you.
Psychologist James Hillman puts it beautifully: “These personalities may not even be on stage,” meaning your authentic self—the real, unique you—may even take a backseat while these subpersonalities run the show.
Think of them as roles you’ve picked up along the way. There’s the people-pleaser who learned to keep everyone happy, the rebel who pushes back against authority, and the perfectionist who never lets you relax. They’ve all had their moments, helping you navigate tricky situations and protect yourself, but they don’t always get along. Sometimes, they argue. Other times, they clash. And that’s when you feel stuck or torn inside.
Hillman, building on Carl Jung’s ideas, suggests that these subpersonalities are like mythic archetypes—figures like the wise old man, the trickster, or the nurturing mother. They’re less about “split-off parts” of you and more like a living, breathing drama where you’re not always the main character.
Here’s the tricky bit: as long as these roommates are calling the shots, it’s hard to feel truly at peace or in control of your own life. They’re often stuck in the past, replaying old stories to protect you, but those stories might be holding you back.
Take a moment to think about it: when was the last time you felt completely yourself, without the noise of self-doubt, guilt, or overthinking? If you can’t remember, it’s probably because these inner voices are louder than your true self.
The good news? You’re not stuck with these roommates in charge forever. Here’s how you can start to take back the reins:
1. Spot Your Inner Roommates
Start paying attention to those inner voices. Who’s piping up the most? Is it the worrier? The critic? The “just-say-yes” people-pleaser? Giving them names can help you see them more clearly.
2. Get Curious About Them
Each one of these characters is there for a reason. Ask yourself: what’s this part trying to do for me? Who does it remind me of? When did it first show up in my life? Chances are, it’s trying to protect you, even if it’s a bit misguided.
3. Have a Chat
This might sound a bit odd but try having a conversation with these parts of yourself. Journaling is great for this. Ask them what they want, what they’re afraid of, and how they’re trying to help.
4. Reconnect with Your Real Self
Beneath all that noise, there’s a calmer, truer version of you—one that’s not weighed down by past frustrations or future worries. Practices like mindfulness, journaling, or just spending some quiet time with yourself can help you tune into that version of you.
5. Ask for Help if You Need It
If this feels like a lot to tackle on your own, that’s okay. Engage in therapy or coaching to help yourself get through the challenges.
When you stop letting your subpersonalities run the show, something incredible happens: life feels more like your life. You can step onto the stage as the leading character, no longer just reacting to what’s around you but creating a life that feels true to who you really are.
It’s not about getting rid of these inner voices—they’re part of you, after all—but learning to work with them and, ultimately, letting your authentic self take centre stage.
So, what do you think? Ready to meet your inner roommates and get to know the real you?
QUIRKY MOVIE - REAL WOMEN'S LEADERSHIP DILEMMAS
